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Drunken Games: Fire Extinguisher Mayhem

Note: Linkognito does not accept any responsibility for death or injuries acquired from participation in any of these games, play at your own risk.


Name: Fire Extinguisher Mayhem
Type: After Hours Game
# of Players: One for each fire extinguisher you can find
Danger Level: 8

This game should be played at a party or a place with many intoxicated people. If you’re not blackout drunk, this game can be extremely difficult to organize. It’s best to have two people who are intoxicated, but still thinking rationally to begin the organizing tasks.


The first person is “The Gatherer”. The role of “The Gatherer” is to locate and compile all potential blackouts, and then convince them that this game is a good idea to play and that it will be a good time with plenty of shenanigans.

Here is the Gatherers Guide:

The gatherer should go to the busiest room and organize a committee to find all the potential black outs. This shouldn’t be difficult...if you are the gatherer, just yell out something funny or do something really obnoxious and loud. This will ensure that you have everyone’s attention. Explain to this room that you need to find the "Crazy Drunks" in the room. Make sure you make quote signs with your fingers when you say this. Saying this will obviously attract the blackout drunks, because the blackout drunks always think their crazy and outrageous.

You should always have at least one of each blackout join you:

1. The Bad Dancer
This is usually the easiest person to find. This blackout never dances as a result of being self conscious or just having no rhythm, but is so wasted that nothing else matters. Go up and dance right by them, then proceed to tell them that they’re missing out on a big dance off in the kitchen. They will follow you. Lead them to the mayhem.


2. The Loud Asshole
This one is just plain loud and obnoxious. This blackout has been offending and entertaining people all night with their crude comments. All you have to do to get their attention is call them a bitch... note: this will work for both sexes. They will try to get in your face, just ignore them and tell them they need to see something important. They will follow you. Lead them to the mayhem.

3. The one who brought the 151 or Everclear No explanation is required, just find this blackout and Lead them to the mayhem.






4. The Quiet Observer
This is the hardest blackout to find because sometimes it’s easy to mistake the quiet observer for the creepy guy. The quiet observer is drunk, just a little bit too drunk to talk. They were talkative earlier in the night, but that last drink didn’t settle so well and they have become mute. Snap them out of this trance by saying the two of you need to take a shot together. They will be excited to be free from their trance and will follow you. Lead them to the mayhem.

5. The Party Loser
This is the guy that showed up without being invited. This guy doesn't even have to be drunk, just ask him to play. Once he plays everyone gang up on him and bombard him with fire extinguishers until he leaves.




The second person is "The Finder". The role of “The Finder” is to locate and compile all fire extinguishers. If at all possible a video camera should be additionally sought out, to ensure your tomfoolerys will be recorded for further viewing the next day.

Here's a list of places to look for fire extinguishers:

1. Kitchen - Look in all cabinets
2. Bedrooms - Look in all closets and behind doors
3. Furnace Room - Look up on shelves and behind that old refrigerator you have in there
4. Laundry Room - There everywhere in this room, look around
5. Garage - Check out corners, shelves, boxes, cabinets, they could be anywhere
6. Hallways - This is for apartment dwellers, these are the break the glass ones.

Just remember when people buy fire extinguishers they hide them so they can't find them when there is actually a fire because they are ugly and they don't want people to see them, but this is your job, so do work and find as many as possible. If neccessary go to your neighbors and ask to borrow their fire extinguishers.

Once all of the required materials have been aquired, the festivities may begin. Just hand everyone participating a fire extinguisher, don't tell them what to do. Just let the mayhem begin.

I won’t explain the game any further, but here is the exact letter that was sent to my apartment after we played it a few months ago...

APT #410

YOU ARE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE THEFT OF THREE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS…TAKEN AT 2:38:11 THE MORNING OF 9/10/06.

EACH TENNANT IS HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF THEMSELVES AND THEIR GUESTS.

THE CONFORMATION OF THIS ACT IS ON A CD AND HAS BEEN FORWARDED TO THE OWNER OF THE BUILDING.

YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED FROM THE OFFICE AS TO THE DOLLAR AMOUNT OF THE DAMAGES...

ANY CONTINUED VANDALIZISM TO THE BUILDING CAN RESULT IN EVICTION.


Note: They spelled vandalism wrong... Stupid Assholes!

I wish I knew what exactly happened that night, but I was blackout drunk. The bill for the damages was $610.00; fuck those bastards and their video security system! The stolen fire extinguishers have yet to be replaced.

Have Fun.